Fear of change

So, I take pride in the fact that I like change. I think it is important in most organizations, communities, work situations, and even personal struggles that we advocate for change to keep evolving and becoming a better person, friend, neighbor, community, world, etc. Those that are afraid of change, I feel are often not really as afraid of the outcome of that change, but of the work or struggles that making the change will bring.

Yet, I faced a silly and seriously tiny change this week that sent me into an absolute tailspin. Perhaps my lack of sleep this week, the stress I have felt, the fact that I haven't felt well, or a combo of any of these played a part in my irrational fear.

This is what happened...if you've read previous post or any of the silly surveys I've ever filled out on here before...you know by now that bran flakes and skim milk are a staple in my daily routine. I ran out this week and was forced to alter my morning ritual a couple days before I was able to make the run to Wal-Mart for a new box. When I arrived, I walked to the cereal aisle, went about halfway down and reached to the top shelf where my beloved Bran Flakes have always sat. But wait...what was this? Some other form of wannabe bran...something with oats and raisons and other frivilous additions that I don't need.or want in my cereal. Straight bran...that's all I need. There were other people in the aisle, so I tried not to look frightened or freaked out. I slowly walked the length of the aisle a couple times perusing for the new home of my bran. I didn't see it. After about the 4th trip down the aisle I started to pace much more frantically and at warp speed (yep, it almost looked like the Phoebe run again). It finally registered...this damn monopoly of a store had once again banned one of my most treasured sources of happiness (the first was the 6 pack of Dole pineapple juice in the small individual cans). So, as the panic turned to confusion and then to rage...I could not even continue shopping, as I had totally forgotten everything else I needed. All I really was there for was my Bran Flakes! So, on my dazed walk back to the front of the store I passed the clearance and discontinued stock area...and there on the bottom shelf...you guessed it...sat my cereal. Without hestitating, or being concerned that I looked like a lunatic, or that people undoubtedly thought I was a maniac...I shoved all 7 boxes that were left into my little cart.

As I walked to my car after checking out, and feeling a huge sigh of relief that I now had plenty of bran flakes to last me awhile...the thought struck....What the hell am I gonna do when those 7 boxes are gone?! So I called my dad to ask him that exact question and tell him that was the final straw in my crappy week. He laughed hysterically and told me he didn't think I should worry about it, as 7 boxes should last awhile. Perhaps dad, but then what? WHAT WILL I DO THEN?! There are no other bran flakes that compare. They all are corn flakes or frosted flakes or have too many other things added in. I enjoyed the simplicity of my bowl of bran.

My next fear is this...and I have yet to bring myself to look it up and confirm it to be true or false...Has WM really just decided to quit selling it...or has Post actually quit making it?! I cannot fathom the idea or bear the heartbreak it will bring me.

Why, I ask...is this tiny little change in my life causing such a disruption? How much therapy do I REALLY need? What will WM ruin for me next? What will my friends and family make fun of me for, if not the bran? (Wait...stop...don't answer that!).

So I guess if you are out grocery shopping and come across the beautiful orange box of my spectacular Post Bran Flakes...feel free to buy a box and send it to me. Who knows when my 7 boxes will be gone...or what depressive or manic state in could send me into!!