Thought I'd share...

Well, since I got such great response to my girl scout poem (which really, you should all pronounce "pome", kind of with an English accent because it's just more fun to say it that way)...I thought maybe I'd occasionally slip in a post with some of my various songs' lyrics and other "pomes".

This first one is the only song I've written that isn't country or R&B...it's one for church, a prayer if you will. I actually wrote this during college as I was driving down the interstate after visiting my sister, Amy. I was upset (not because of anything she did...although I could write a few songs about both my sisters...the good, the bad, and the ugly..ha!) about the way parts of my life were going, and it really came from me breaking down, crying, and asking God what I was doing wrong, why does life have to be so hard, so difficult, how was I going to make the changes I needed to? It may have been the quickest it's ever taken me to write a song. Thankfully I had a pen, paper, and mini-recorder with me. (I need to start carrying that with me again!) And I've actually sang this at my home church in Liberal, as well as at my grandparents church in Coldwater, KS. I wish you could hear it...the melody to this one is probably one of my best. I haven't ever recorded this one, but if I could figure out a way to put some of my songs on here for you all to listen to...I'd think about it. ha

Oh, and for those wondering, yes...I've already copyrighted all these lyrics and songs with the US Copyright office...so it's okay, I'm safe.


LET ME LIVE FOR YOU

I see the cross, and I feel you
I read your word, and I feel you
But you fill me, with a love so deep
That it hurts to let you down

When I pray, you hear me
When I cry, you always hear me
You listen to me, with an open heart
Why don't I always hear you

Chorus:
Lord give me the strength, to follow your way
Lift me up in your humble arms
Help me to walk side by side with you
Lord let me live for you

When I have sinned, you forgave
When I was wrong, you always forgave
Teach me to live, with a forgiving heart like yours
Help me live from what I've learned

Chorus

I see the cross, and I feel you...

It's just on my mind is all...

Girl Scout cookies are so bad.
Girl Scout cookies make me mad.
Those cute little girls with their little pig tails
Sell me lard in a box and it never fails...
I gain a pound or two or ten
After eating a box of devilish thin mints.

Girl Scout cookies are very bad.
Girl Scout cookies make me mad.
They are evil and do the devil's work
Those cute little girls are really twerps.
Peddling fat for $3.50 a box
I plan not to answer the next time they knock.

Girl Scout cookies are worse than bad.
Girl Scout cookies make me mad.
I might go puke cause I ate more than I should
Pass me the Somoas if you would!!
No wait, I shall not have another bite
Or I might explode, no I really might!

Girl Scout cookies are bad, bad, bad.
Girl Scout cookies make me mad.

THE END

I'm over half way there!!!

THANK YOU SO MUCH to all of you that have helped me thus far in reaching my goal for my organization's fundraiser! I'm over half way there. A couple of donations that were mailed in have not been posted on the site yet....but as of right now I'm at $1080! Only $920 more to go to reach the goal I set for myself.

Our organizations overall goal for funds raised in this event ar $20,000. So if I can reach my goal, I will have made a great dent in that...shoot, I have anyway!

If you want to watch my progress, check out what I'm talking about, or are interested in making a donation...here is the link again.

Thanks again my fine friends and family! You all ROCK!!

To be or not to be...completely honest

"Honesty is such a lonely word, Everyone is so untrue. Honesty is hardly ever heard, and mostly what I need from you". -Billy Joel

Is there such a thing being too honest? We all have faced moments when a lie seemed like it was the better route at that exact moment...be it a little white lie, or a huge monstrosity we soon came to regret. What is it that leads us to believe that we are sparing the other persons feelings? Often, the things I find myself shying away from telling someone the truth about, are things that they eventually will be told anyway...and it would have been much kinder to hear it from me...rather than a stranger, a boss, or someone else. I find myself thinking, why hurt their feelings...why upset them...why make them mad...why risk an arguement and possibly a friendship? Why? Because that's what a true friend would do. Risk it all to help the ones they love.

If we tell the truth in these moments, the very things we were afraid of happening, often do. Anger, hurt feelings, loss of friendship, etc. So here I sit in a bubble wondering when should I speak up...tell exactly what I think, exactly what I feel? Who will my words and feelings benefit, who will they hurt, and who will hold it against me and never speak to me again. As I worry about the reaction of the other persons, I also worry about myself and keeping my own emotions and thoughts tucked away so they can eat away at me until I'm nothing but a carcass. When do I say screw it and enough is enough...THIS is what I think, THIS is what I feel, I'm SORRY if it hurts you, makes you mad, makes you uncomfortable...but it is what it is.

Friends and loved ones usually know you the best. They probably know when you are not being honest anyway. They know if you are opinionated and usually speak how you feel. Unfortunatley, this doesn't make them any more open to your truths. It only makes your honesty and truthfulness more hurtful to them.

So where does that leave us. Do we try to stay somewhere in the middle, lay it all on the line all the time, or pussyfoot around so we don't offend or make others uncomfortable?

Don't moms think before they speak?

This is the statement my mother made to me yesterday:

"I think you should just ask someone to marry you. Because really, your internal clock is ticking. You're just going to wait until it's too late for you."

Yep...I'm not making it up. It's a depressing day when you realize your own mother has lost hope for you. I mean...she's the one that HAS to root for you no matter how bad you suck at something, for no other fact than you're her kid....right?! Apparently not once you are almost 30, not married, and not producing grandchildren.

OBVIOUSLY she doesn't realize that I'm already bitter, depressed, and angered with the knowledge that a week from today is the absolute worst and most idiotic holiday ever created! I'm sick of seeing all the hearts, flowers, and lovey-dovey crap plastered everywhere I turn. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! And seriously...it really sent me over the edge when the stores started putting it all out even before Christmas.

So apparently, at this moment, I don't know who I'm most disgusted with: my mom for not having faith in me, men in general for not loving and adoring me like they should be, myself for not being able to figure out and fix why those men aren't loving and adoring me like they should be, or the media/Hallmark/Wal-Mart for making the past month disgustingly pink and red and for making me want to hurl all over their pepto-bismal colored aisles!!!

THANKS ahead of time friends!

The organization I am a Director for has its' main yearly fundraiser fast approaching. If you'd like to help us out, go to this site to see how you can help make a difference in the life of a child! Every donation helps! Our total goal this year is $20,000. Last year almost $15,000 was raised. Please help me do my part in helping us make that 20k goal a reality! The children in our communities will benefit greatly!

Thank you for your support and generosity!

Odd yet hysterical moment.

I just used the word breakFART instead of breakFAST...out loud...I really said it.

It was a bit of an awkward silence afterward...then me laughing so hard I snorted and almost peed my pants. Is this a sign of aging...or am I just losing my mind?!

In case you ever wondered...

SCOOPING POOP IN THE FROZEN TUNDRA.

This is my current dilemna. You basically have 2 options. Follow your dog to the backyard and try to catch it with the pooper scooper as they take care of business OR wait like you normally would and try scooping the poop every few days or so.

Let's discuss the first option: Catching it as they go. You can't really let them go and THEN go try and scoop it up. Trust me, it just makes a mess and you tend to smush it everywhere BUT into the pooper scooper. However, the dogs unfortunately are not really to keen on the idea of me standing behind them with the scary metal scooper under their rears (nor am I for that matter). They get stage fright and run off...pooping as they go, spreading the steaming joy all over the yard, instead of in one general location.

Option #2 (pun intended): You let the dogs have their moment of privacy (why I'll never know, cause they always want to come to the bathroom with me and even sit on my lap! NO...I DON'T LET THEM!!) So you go out ever few days to scoop the mess...but you find that because of all the snow melting, refreezing, snowing more, blah, blah, blah...it takes great strength and patience to take care of it. See, sometimes, the warm doggie poop sinks into the snow and sometimes it sits nicely on top. Either way it's frozen solid and you have to use the pooper scooper to chip away at it to get it dislodged or dug up from it's snow tunnel. This is where the patience and strength come in. Remember it's freezing cold outside, so you quickly run out of both ...perhaps after about 4 or 5 doggy piles...which still leaves a LOT left. The other problem with this is that when you begin chipping away to get the poop dislodged...more often than not, little pieces begin to fly...inevitably hitting you..the loving pet owner that is just trying to make your dogs life a bit cleaner.

Sigh...I've thought about taking a hair dryer out to melt some of the dang snow. Then I decided that would waste too much energy, time, and effort with much too little to show for it. Other than a muddy and steamy poop landfill of a backyard.

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Random side note: In 4th grade we had a project in which we had to invent something that would be useful and affordable to the average American. Although my dad was usually the one to help with math and science, my mom helped me with this particular project. Our plan was to invent a dog food that some how had magnetic forces in it...so that when you went to scoop the poop with your magnetized metal pooper scooper, it automatically went right where it was supposed to.

You would, of course, want to limit the amount of it that your dog ate...because you would NOT want to get pelted by hundreds of steaming doggie bullets the moment you lifted the scooper!

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SECOND SIDE NOTE: YES...my mom is a riot! I'm not sure how my teacher felt about that invention...but my mom was a teacher at the same school...so I'm sure I got an A!! ha

Dog #3???

This is the dog I've been wanting. They moved her to a different animal shelter though...Now she's in Greeley, CO. She's so cute...but they named her Cuddles. I'd feel bad changing her name...but Cuddles? Seriously.

She is a Beagle/Basset mix and is about a year old. My dog Gabby is Beagle/Basset. She's not house trained though, because she's always been an outdoor dog. That wouldn't be fun!

A bit late...but HELLO 2007!

My list of things I'd like to do in 2007:

*Eat healthier, develop a better workout routine, and shed the last unwanted pounds.

*Laugh more, cry less, live life without regrets!

*Visit friends and family more often.

*Pay off some debt.

*Have a more postive attitude in my work, social, and spiritual life.

*Find someone to love that will love me even more!

*Focus on the important things and learn to LET GO of the little things.

*Be more forgiving and more open-minded.

*Get back into my music...singing, writing, playing.

*Smile more...cause I think I've got a great smile!

*Go get that dog I've been telling myself not to for the past month. (She's still there!)

Wintertime Blues

I think it's a combination of the crappy weather (snow, snow, and more snow), my current health issues, my job stressing me out to no end, and the lack of any guy in my world ....but it's all caused me to have a severe case of the blues.

Send me your best jokes and good cheer! I need it!

When will it end?

So the 2 snowstorms that have come through Colorado and Western Kansas are still wreaking havoc for many. For me, it's merely been an annoyance, but has not left me without power. I will say, my town does not have a grocery store...only Wal-Mart. It was just a few days ago that trucks were able to get here with milk and bread. It was very bizarre to go to the store and see complete aisles empty.

Many Kansans lost power and some are still without. For some areas, they say it could be weeks before they get it all back up. I do not know of any human casualties caused by the snowstorm, although I'm sure there have been many wrecks. On the news the other night...they showed 3 semi-truck trailers full of dead cattle. Ranchers are using helicopters to drop hay bales to cattle they cannot reach yet. Some cattle they still have not found, because the herds are literally buried in the snow.

I ran a quick errand today, came home and pulled my car into the garage. As I got out and started walking to the door, I stopped in horror and screamed at the top of my lungs.

(Poor little guy! Found dead in my garage.)

THIS is the first casualty of the storm that I have witnessed first hand. It took everything within me not to call someone (basically anyone but me) to come dispose of the bird. But, I sucked it up and took care of it myself (which I thought was quite brave of germaphobe-self!!!). I have no idea how the bird made its way into my garage, but I was so sad about it. I've been a bit worried that mice might try to move into the garage or my house to get away from the cold, but I had not imagined that a bird would try the same.

I was shocked the day I heard on tv that my small town had officially closed ALL streets in the city limits. I've never heard of such a thing. This is what are streets STILL look like:

(This is Main Street, which is much better than most streets...but

they all still have huge piles of snow right down the middle!)

Sadly, while many are still being drastically affected by the previous storms, there is another snowstorm on its way. We are supposed to have snow starting Thursday and staying all weekend. The reports are showing that this storm may be worse than the previous two. So, for all of you enjoying a little sunshine and warmth...remember to pray for a little of that to make its way to KANSAS!

Finally...a diagnosis

So I finally saw the actual doctor here last Thursday morning, and then the rheumatologist that afternoon. Both doctors agree on a diagnosis of what is wrong with me.

For those that don't know what's been going on here's a quick recap. Since about the beginning of March, I have had severe fatigue and pain throughout my body...pretty much every day. I've been to my regular doctor (before I moved), a rheumatologist, and a neurologist trying to figure out what the heck is going on. Along with the pain, I've also had numbness and tingling in various body parts. It's been very frustrating, tiring, and worrysome. They did blood tests to check for things such as lupus, diabetes, Rheumatoid Arthritis, a thyroid problem, Epstein Barr, etc. None of these tests proved to be the answer.

After visiting with the 2 new doctors here last week...they have diagnosed me with Fibromyalgia. This affects your muscles, making them tense, tight, and knotted and very painful. It does not cause damage to the tissues as some other diseases do. Almost all patients with fibromyalgia also have chronic fatigue and problems sleeping. Some also have irritable bowel syndrome (this has only recently become an issue for me and is not too severe yet), migraines, depression, weight gain and various other issues. There are no test to definitively diagnose Fibromyalgia. Research shows it usually takes about 5 years before a patient finds a doctor that realizes the problem and gives the accurate diagnosis. It is basically diagnosed after all other possibilities have been eliminated. There is also no cure or definitive way to treat it. Most patients are put on some sort of muscle relaxer and/or sleeping pill, helping but curing the problems.

As of now, I have been put on Amytriptalene to help me sleep and 2 Aleve 2x/day. I'm not sure that's going to be enough for the pain. The Amytriptalene has seemed to help with the fatigue and sleep issue. I go back to the regular doc the end of the month, and yet another rheumatologist on Valentine's Day. So...I'll I keep this routine up until then and see where we go from there. Both doctors also stated it was important to exercise daily to help stretch and work the muscles.

I am relieved to finally have an answer to what has been going on with my body, but I'm also nervous and a bit scared about it all. It's frustrating to finally have an answer, but then be told there isn't really much that can be done. At least I know I haven't lost my mind and I'm not the hypchondriac I was beginning to think I was!

BLIZZARD....BRRRR!!!!!

Yesterday morning I woke up to our 2nd huge snowstorm in a week. Last week we had about 6-7 inches of snow. It took me 6.5 hours to get home for the holidays. It's normally a 3 hour drive. The snow from that storm was still lingering when this new blizzard hit. And trust me..it IS a blizzard. We are supposed to get 18-24 inches before it's over. Yesterday I scooped a path for my dogs about once every hour or so so they could get out and go to the bathroom. The city closed ALL streets, all highways are closed, as is the interstate. We are stuck in this frozen madness! I took these pictures earlier this morning. It's supposed to continue to snow until mid afternoon tomorrow. Isn't that special?!

This is my dogs running the path over to where they have designated the "Potty Place". It's under a tree, so there isn't much snow and they can actually move. Poor Josie, the snow is about 2.5-3 times as tall as her. She couldn't even get out until I shoveled the path.

The "Potty Place" is just to the left of the edge of this picture. Pretty impressive path I've shoveled, eh?!

This is my driveway. Thankfully, I made the scary drive to the store yesterday morning before while I could still get my car out. You couldn't tell if you were on the road or in someone's yard...everything is white and it's very disorienting...especially on the highway to the store.

Outside my front door. I have several huge trees in my front yard...so my front porch wasn't covered. The wind, however, built these lovely drifts everywhere. Oh...and the postal system lies. They don't deliver in any weather. I haven't had mail for 2 days.

This WAS a bush in my front yard...it's been overtaken by yet another snowdrift.

So I'm going crazy sitting in my house. I'm going to attempt to walk to a friends house tonight. I'll take my cell and call them before I leave...if I'm not there within a certain amount of time...they'll know to send out a search party! ha I think if I can just get out to the street...it won't be that bad. Wish me luck!

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UPDATE:

This is how I finally got out of my garage and house on Sunday: a couple of my friends and all their buddies brought 2 snowblowers and a lot of shovels. It only took about 15 mintues to finish the job. It's good to have friends!

Love Christmas...Love Charity...Love JT...(sometimes) love SNL!

So I watched this episode of SNL...but apparently missed this skit. It's worth watching. I've watched it about 10 times and still laugh. Thank you Robin for sending it to me!

I need to move back to COLORADO...ASAP!

I'm so distraught! The Broncos just came out with these for 2007...but only Colorado residents can purchase them. SO NOT FAIR! Wait..how far is Burlington, CO from here? Maybe I can just open a PO BOX there so I can get one? I'm seriously going to be depressed about this one for a least a week.

***SIGH***

Calling all buff bods...

So, at the gym I now go to...because it's the only one...the weight room is extremely antiquated. I don't enjoy lifting by myself in the first place, but when I can't even tell if the contraptions they have are for my arms or my legs...I've pretty much determined I should just stay out of the weight room and stick to cardio.

That's where you all come in. I need ideas of things I can be doing to continue to work on toning my muscles up. Currently I'm pretty much just doing push-ups, squats, and lunges. There has got to be more I can do without having to go back into that room and look like a moron again.

Shoot me some ideas if ya have any. I do have some weights at home...I just get tired of doing the same things all the time.

Season of giving!

Another great site I'd like to share. This one has been around awhile and I've shared it with most of my friends already. I just want to remind everyone.

It started as The Hunger Site. You can click once a day and they donate food. Then several other additions were made. Now you can go to:

The Hunger Site
The Breast Cancer Site
The Child Heath Site
The Literacy Site
The Rainforest Site
The Animal Rescue Site

All you have to do is click the button and it makes a donation...often times, with an advertiser matching the donations. I do this daily..and seriously, to do all 6...it takes like 2 minutes.
I hope you'll all at least go check it out and click today!

I heart the Broncos!

CLICK FOR CANS 2006

Check it out...it's for a great cause!

Now what do we do??

First REAL snow of the season...the dogs are NOT amused...

They sniff the entire yard and run the perimeter in search of the Snow Bandit...


Gabby gets highly irritated with me taking pictures and says "ENOUGH! Let me in where it's warm already ya lunatic"!!!

They search for buried treasures...(i.e. frisbees, food dish, bones, a stray cat??)

Josie stands on patrol...in case the Snow Bandit reappears in her short visit outside...

Both pups quickly find a spot to claim as their own, back inside trying to warm back up before they go out in another 4 hours to potty! HA

YEP! SUPER SPOILED! But admit it, they're SUPER CUTE too!