Right down the drain!

Well, this has definitely NOT been my month...or year for that matter. I thought 30 was supposed to be spectacular. So far it's been nothing but shit! And I mean that in more than 1 way!

Here's the latest development in Sarahland. My toilet in my basement bathroom (which is the one I use the most because my bedroom is downstairs, as is the shower) has been leaking for over a month and I couldn't figure out where it was coming from. I finally decided it was the valve and shut the sucker off until I could afford to call someone to come fix it. Well, that was all fine and dandy for a couple weeks. Then my sister came to town and I happened to be downstairs when she flushed the toilet upstairs...and heard bubbling noises. There was water coming up my sink in the basement bathroom...not sewage, just water...but still. Not okay. Then when I started a load of laundry it did the same thing.

So, I called my contractor friends that have done several projects on my humble abode and they came over to check it out. They said the valve needed replaced and weren't too concerned over the water in the sink. They had another job to finish and then would come take care of my little problem.

So, my sister showered the next morning while I was sitting in the hot tub. I came in went to shower and noticed brown stuff on the floor right in front of the shower and water all over the floor. I cleaned it up...yes, the germaphobe cleaned it up...I told myself it was just dirt. THEN, I pulled back the shower curtain and saw the space between the shower and the wall. I should mention, this bathroom sucks and the shower is one of those nasty ones that is just kinda an afterthought and set in. So there is space under it and behind it. Anyway, I pulled the shower curtain and more brown stuff everywhere. So, again, I cleaned it up and told myself the water had just pushed dirt out from under the nasty shower. After I got it all cleaned up...I had no choice but to shower...and that's the only one I've got. When I got out, there was water everywhere, between the wall and the shower was about a foot of water standing. I wanted to cry really. Instead, I called my dad. That poor man. He deserves sainthood, a huge vacation away from me and my phone calls, and to win the lottery to repay him for all the emergencies he's had to take care of for me!

I left a message for my contractor friends about what happened and called a plumber. They weren't able to come til this morning. That is when I came to the lovely realization that I have no clean-out, which means he had to take the toilet completely out to roto-rooter. On top of that, I'm pretty sure because the people that lived here before me put that craptastic shower in and didn't have the flooring go underneath it, just to the edges...no doubt the water was underneath the flooring as was the shit (or dirt..whichever version you prefer)...so there is probably mold and all kinds of nastiness under there and it will have to be replaced. My dad said we may even have to take the shower out and put a new one in to be able to get to the nastiness under it. Don't get me wrong, I've wanted to get a real shower since I bought the place...I just don't currently have the funds for this nonsense. Again...my poor, poor dad. This is just one more affirmation to him that he REALLY wants to get me married off so my problems are someone else's problems! ha He and my mom are even offering to pay for an online dating service. Swell.

Anyway, the plumber is here now...got the toilet out and is roto-rooting away. I hate the noise, am repulsed by the smell, and I refuse to even go look in there until it's done. Oh, and they took a chunk out of my wall with the machine on the way down the stairs.
Like I said, it's just not my year. 30 sucks and so does bad plumbing. I'll take 31 anyday now please!

The only good news for the day, my friend Lisa is coming through town today and bringing me a CASE of Bran Flakes. Yippee! Of course, you know what that means...more shit. Sigh.

Why do people seem to WANT me to have a breakdown?!

Frightening as it was for me, I have now given in and had my hair done by 2 different women here in G-town. My Aunt Kathy has done my hair since I was in grade school and rocks, so this was somewhat traumatizing for me. The first woman I went to, I just needed a trim and wanted some bangs. I'm always nervous when the person doing my hair, hasn't seemed to take the time to do her own. This was such the case. Still, I let her chop away. The cut was okay, the bangs weren't quite what I had wanted, but I was too scared to ask for more to be cut off.

The next visit to a local salon, I needed highlights...desperately. It had been WAY too many months. I chose a different salon and made the appointment. I should say, both ladies were pleasant and overall kind people. This woman, however, asked more questions and conversated much more. Which led to the inevitable..."I know the perfect man I should set you up with...he's in the process of getting divorced and only has 18 million kids....but you'd be SO GREAT together!" This led to me that feeling of vomit building up in my throat. But I held it in..that would have been embarrassing. Then, as if that wasn't bad enough...as she's sectioning off my hair and applying highlights...(and please remember I just met this woman about 10 minutes previously)...she says, "Oh, you have some gray hairs!"

WHAT?! I said, "Gray hair!!!??? What? You're kidding me!!!" I think she noticed the terror in my voice and panic in my eyes. She then calmly said, "Oh, well actually it might just be really really blond hair."

My heart slowed to a more normal pace and I exhaled. "Yes. You're probably right. I'm sure that's what it is", I stated.

Then we moved on to much more normal conversation...you know, like what other men she could set me up with.

I left that salon thinking I was aging way too quickly, a loser for still being single...yet still loving that I found this hair stylist...because my hair rocked! I'll still stick with my Aunt Kathy, whenever I can get home, but if in a crunch...I know where I can go for good hair and a depressing hour of realizing I'm old, alone, and seem to be the focus of every match maker in town. sigh.....

Questions I need answered

So, because of situations some of my friends are dealing with, and my own family...I've been forced to think about my own inevitable death. My sister, Amy, had her will drawn up a few years ago and I thought she was crazy. We're young, single, with really...not much of anything for people to fight over once we're gone! (Although, I did make her put one piece of her furniture in her will for me...is that tacky? SHE ASKED ME what I wanted!!)

Anyway, here are my thoughts:

1. As I said, I own stuff....but none of it's paid off...you know, like my house, my car, my new hot tub!!! I mean...someone could probably use all of those things, but if I died today they'd really just be getting another payment of their own, right? So, as I already said...is there a point of a will right now?

2. Wills....what all goes in a will? Is it just that type of stuff...what goes to who? Or is that where you say what you want to happen to you once your gone? For instance...my mom wants to donate her body to KU Medical School..we had a family member that did that and she thought it was a brilliant plan. She also only wants a memorial service and wants me or my sisters to sing Happy Trails. If you don't know my mom...she's a bit of a whack job! But anyways, does that stuff go in the will? If so, then perhaps I should go ahead and deal with it?

3. Don't laugh too hard or make fun...but the thing I'm most concerned about is who will take care of my dogs?! I KNOW neither of my sisters will. My parents probably would or my Aunt Janet and Uncle Dan. Januea...they love you! Joy you could adopt them too! I kid you not, when I sat down and thought about all this a few weeks ago, this was the one thing that made me really upset. I want to know someone that loves them as much as I do will take them!! So, any volunteers?!

4. My other thought...since I'm not married (sorry mom), who has to foot the bills of me dying? My parents? A sibling? The state? I don't know shit. I mean, am I supposed to have money set aside for this stuff? That doesn't seem like a fun way to enjoy my hard earned paycheck.

5. What really does happen to any debts I owe? Like my house...does the mortgage company just take the house back? Does a family member have to take care of it since there currently is no husband in the picture? I'm clueless.

6. What do I want...cremation, burial, donate organs (the ones that aren't messed up anyway), or follow my mom's plan of giving my dead nastiness to KU? Really, how is one to decide something so bizarre. I kind of feel that it would be a waste to pay for a box to put me in, but burning myself up seems a bit freaky. And although I'm sure I'm a great case for medical students to study, the thought of that is almost so disgusting, that I'd rather not even think about it.

7. A living will...Amy did you do this? Is this a separate will or can it be added into the other? I don't want to live as a vegetable..although sometimes I think I already am. I think this would be an important thing to think about.

8. Although I'm not quite as extreme as my mom wanting Happy Trails at her memorial...I don't want some sad, depressing, funeral or memorial. I just want people to remember what it was they loved about me..whether it's good or bad...and share those memories and stories with one another, laugh, and maybe even have a beer in my memory! (or a shot- either a lunchbox or hypnotic and redbull).

9. I don't want to die for a really long time...


So, if any of you have any knowledge or thoughts on this subject, please share. If you know me, you know I'm not a morbid person...and not always the most organized..but perhaps this is one area where I should be more prepared.

Something is outta whack..

You know when you have that nagging feeling that you've forgot something...like maybe I didn't turn off the stove, unplug the curling iron, or lock the door. Or when you just feel like you should be somewhere, but aren't sure what or where? Or when you just think something isn't right, but can't figure out what it is?

I've had that feeling for about 3 days now. It's making me nutty. I have indeed locked the doors and not left anything turned on. I haven't missed any meetings or appointments, but yet I feel as though I'm forgetting something or that something bad is going to happen. Hmmm...

I go to the doctor in the morning...I hope it's not bad news that I'll get there. I'm driving home to visit the fam for the weekend tomorrow too. Hope it's not a wreck that I should be worried about (or a speeding ticket!). It's just kind of a sense of impending doom. Kinda just want to go home, crawl into bed and stay there until the feeling goes away.

Ever felt like that? Weird. And a little creepy.

To be or not to be...completely honest

"Honesty is such a lonely word, Everyone is so untrue. Honesty is hardly ever heard, and mostly what I need from you". -Billy Joel

Is there such a thing being too honest? We all have faced moments when a lie seemed like it was the better route at that exact moment...be it a little white lie, or a huge monstrosity we soon came to regret. What is it that leads us to believe that we are sparing the other persons feelings? Often, the things I find myself shying away from telling someone the truth about, are things that they eventually will be told anyway...and it would have been much kinder to hear it from me...rather than a stranger, a boss, or someone else. I find myself thinking, why hurt their feelings...why upset them...why make them mad...why risk an arguement and possibly a friendship? Why? Because that's what a true friend would do. Risk it all to help the ones they love.

If we tell the truth in these moments, the very things we were afraid of happening, often do. Anger, hurt feelings, loss of friendship, etc. So here I sit in a bubble wondering when should I speak up...tell exactly what I think, exactly what I feel? Who will my words and feelings benefit, who will they hurt, and who will hold it against me and never speak to me again. As I worry about the reaction of the other persons, I also worry about myself and keeping my own emotions and thoughts tucked away so they can eat away at me until I'm nothing but a carcass. When do I say screw it and enough is enough...THIS is what I think, THIS is what I feel, I'm SORRY if it hurts you, makes you mad, makes you uncomfortable...but it is what it is.

Friends and loved ones usually know you the best. They probably know when you are not being honest anyway. They know if you are opinionated and usually speak how you feel. Unfortunatley, this doesn't make them any more open to your truths. It only makes your honesty and truthfulness more hurtful to them.

So where does that leave us. Do we try to stay somewhere in the middle, lay it all on the line all the time, or pussyfoot around so we don't offend or make others uncomfortable?

Don't moms think before they speak?

This is the statement my mother made to me yesterday:

"I think you should just ask someone to marry you. Because really, your internal clock is ticking. You're just going to wait until it's too late for you."

Yep...I'm not making it up. It's a depressing day when you realize your own mother has lost hope for you. I mean...she's the one that HAS to root for you no matter how bad you suck at something, for no other fact than you're her kid....right?! Apparently not once you are almost 30, not married, and not producing grandchildren.

OBVIOUSLY she doesn't realize that I'm already bitter, depressed, and angered with the knowledge that a week from today is the absolute worst and most idiotic holiday ever created! I'm sick of seeing all the hearts, flowers, and lovey-dovey crap plastered everywhere I turn. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! And seriously...it really sent me over the edge when the stores started putting it all out even before Christmas.

So apparently, at this moment, I don't know who I'm most disgusted with: my mom for not having faith in me, men in general for not loving and adoring me like they should be, myself for not being able to figure out and fix why those men aren't loving and adoring me like they should be, or the media/Hallmark/Wal-Mart for making the past month disgustingly pink and red and for making me want to hurl all over their pepto-bismal colored aisles!!!

Wintertime Blues

I think it's a combination of the crappy weather (snow, snow, and more snow), my current health issues, my job stressing me out to no end, and the lack of any guy in my world ....but it's all caused me to have a severe case of the blues.

Send me your best jokes and good cheer! I need it!

Finally...a diagnosis

So I finally saw the actual doctor here last Thursday morning, and then the rheumatologist that afternoon. Both doctors agree on a diagnosis of what is wrong with me.

For those that don't know what's been going on here's a quick recap. Since about the beginning of March, I have had severe fatigue and pain throughout my body...pretty much every day. I've been to my regular doctor (before I moved), a rheumatologist, and a neurologist trying to figure out what the heck is going on. Along with the pain, I've also had numbness and tingling in various body parts. It's been very frustrating, tiring, and worrysome. They did blood tests to check for things such as lupus, diabetes, Rheumatoid Arthritis, a thyroid problem, Epstein Barr, etc. None of these tests proved to be the answer.

After visiting with the 2 new doctors here last week...they have diagnosed me with Fibromyalgia. This affects your muscles, making them tense, tight, and knotted and very painful. It does not cause damage to the tissues as some other diseases do. Almost all patients with fibromyalgia also have chronic fatigue and problems sleeping. Some also have irritable bowel syndrome (this has only recently become an issue for me and is not too severe yet), migraines, depression, weight gain and various other issues. There are no test to definitively diagnose Fibromyalgia. Research shows it usually takes about 5 years before a patient finds a doctor that realizes the problem and gives the accurate diagnosis. It is basically diagnosed after all other possibilities have been eliminated. There is also no cure or definitive way to treat it. Most patients are put on some sort of muscle relaxer and/or sleeping pill, helping but curing the problems.

As of now, I have been put on Amytriptalene to help me sleep and 2 Aleve 2x/day. I'm not sure that's going to be enough for the pain. The Amytriptalene has seemed to help with the fatigue and sleep issue. I go back to the regular doc the end of the month, and yet another rheumatologist on Valentine's Day. So...I'll I keep this routine up until then and see where we go from there. Both doctors also stated it was important to exercise daily to help stretch and work the muscles.

I am relieved to finally have an answer to what has been going on with my body, but I'm also nervous and a bit scared about it all. It's frustrating to finally have an answer, but then be told there isn't really much that can be done. At least I know I haven't lost my mind and I'm not the hypchondriac I was beginning to think I was!

McDreamy hopes dashed again...

So as I opened hotmail yesterday there it was staring at me. Pamela Anderson is divorcing Kid Rock. Okay, don't misunderstand me here. It's not that I think Kid Rock or Tommy Lee were a great catch, but it irritates the heck out of me that people like her, Jennifer Lopez, Elizabeth Taylor, and so on... get to "try" numerous McDreamys...while the rest of us sit here waiting, praying, searching, pleading to find one...JUST ONE, Mr. McDreamy to make our world spin, our heart race, our temperature rise, and our soul feel like its met its perfect pair. (Also, don't get me wrong, guys are just as guilty of doing this to their fellow man too!)

I know..some of you reading this will try to assure me that they are not happy. They are continually searching for something to fill a void from that last broken relationship (with someone that looks like Brad Pitt). Poor, poor souls. Whatever shall they do? Let's all cry a tear for them.

FORGET THAT! I feel no pity. They are maneaters that are overly greedy and got an Unsatisfactory mark on sharing in kindergarten. What happened to helping your own gender, ladies? Women like these should be shot...or at least punched or something.

(Wow...I need to get out more).

McDreamy...where for art thou, McDreamy?!

I'm WAITING!!! (Impatiently)

Every woman DESERVES her very own McDreamy.
Does anyone...ANYONE...know where mine is?!
If so, please give him the quickest route to me!

Gracias!