Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Go white girl, Go white girl, GO!

I've always claimed I've got mad skills on the dance floor. I can shake my money maker with the best of em. I can do one of the best "Running Man, Sprinkler, Cabbage Patch, Roger Rabbit, Lawn Mower, Shoulder Dance" mixes you've ever seen! (Now if only I could master the Harlem Shake I'd be a happy girl!)
This past Friday, we had our annual Halloween Dance for the kids in our program and for the community. It was a blast. There were a lot more kids there this year, a lot more parents, and a lot more community members that came to see the kids costumes. We even had part of the local "line-dancing" club come and cut a rug all night long! (Seriously, who knew there were THAT MANY line dances? And who knew you could find one for any kind of music?)
Anyway, I tried to get the kids started dancing, you know break the ice. So obviously when Mony Mony came on...I had to start singing and dancing to encourage the group of kids I was standing with to do the same. You should have seen the look of horror on their faces! Their eyes got huge, their cheeks red, and they all VERY quickly walked away from me. Not one to embarrass easily...I just laughed, said, OH COME ON! This is a classic! ..and kept dancing....by myself, with the adults and kids trying not laugh at me. A few songs later, the kids were over the shock and were all dancing. Then, no matter where I tried to sneak off to and hide...they kept finding me and making me dance. Yep, I had to do the Chicken dance, the Macarena, the Electric slide, and few I had never seen. The apparent fave these days is"Soldier Boy"...as they requested it numerous times and made me attempt to learn the dance every time. Talk about embarrassing. I gave up on that one. Also had to give up on the one that kept making you go as "low as you could go"...because I'm apparently too old and arthritic and had difficulties getting back up! Which again, they thought was hilarious.
Whatever! All I know is, I had fun, the kids had fun, and I'm sure the adults had a blast laughing at me too. BUT, I went to the junior high to eat with a young girl yesterday, and at recess (since when do they get recess in junior high???) I was the "cool kid" by far! YES! FINALLY! Now I can finally say I've made it! And, I'm convinced, it's all because of ...you guessed it...my mad skills on the dance floor!
So next time you see me..watch out! I might call you out for a dance off! Trust me, I've done it before..in downtown Denver! And I so rocked it too! =)

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

A source of joy and sadness...

The 2 cutest family members!

The birthday boy enjoying his first cake!

This past Thursday was my beloved little nephew's 1st birthday! So Thursday, I drove to Denver and then flew to Dallas for the weekend. My parents arrived the next day to help celebrate. We all don't get to see him or his parents near often enough, so we were kind of ridiculous with Adam. As soon as someone put him down, another one of us was there to pick him back up and enjoy him as much as possible. I mean, seriously, have you looked at my photos of him?? He is the cutest little guy I've ever seen in my life!

He is starting to walk and says a few words. He is a very happy little guy, always smiling and has the most hilarious laugh I've ever heard. At times you kind of wonder if he's hyperventilating!

As much as I love him and even wanted to bring him home with me...seeing him AND leaving him makes me so very sad. Most young girls grow up dreaming about their wedding day and how perfect it will be. Not me. I grew up dreaming about being a mom and how wonderful the experience would be. So, here I sit...at 30 years old, with not even a hint of motherhood in my future. I begin going through my usual questions (I do this at least once a year...cause I'm a freak)..."What the hell is wrong with me?", "Why does God not think I'm ready for this part of life?", "What have I done to put myself in an eternal state of singleness and childlessness?" (okay, yes..I'm pretty sure that's not a word), and "When the hell is it going to be MY turn for something I've dreamed about my whole life?"

I know...pity party for myself in full effect. Stupid, ridiculous, embarrassing, sad...but nonetheless, true. A few years ago, I told my family that if I wasn't married by my mid 30's, I wasn't going to sit around waiting for someone else to enter my life and help make this particular dream come true. I would just adopt. The closer I get to that age...the more I want to follow through with it...yet the more I realize that financially, I don't think I will be able to do it by myself. Which not only makes me sad...it quite frankly...really ticks me off! I like being an independent person, making choices for myself, learning from the bad ones, etc. But why should I not be able to have all the things I desire in life...just because I'm frickin single! I'm so over it. And for all of you that are married, I swear to you...if you tell me how much you miss being single and how fun it was...I may never speak to you again!

So today, as I sit here thinking about this, I'm not sure which is bothering me more. The fact that I'm single and really hope to not live my entire life alone...or the fact that I may never get to be a mother. Those that know me and my family... you know it's a fun, loving, and caring family. My mother is a riot, highly entertaining, very kind, and a wonderful person. I kinda thought those were all qualities I possessed as well...which makes me think that I'd be just as spectacular of a mom as she. I just hope I get the chance someday.

Whew...sorry for the depressing post, I'll try to be back to my normal chipper self on the next one. It's just on my mind and I'm desperately already missing my little Adam. He brings a smile to face, joy to my heart, and laughter to my soul. I wish he was closer.

Monday, October 15, 2007

Fear of change

So, I take pride in the fact that I like change. I think it is important in most organizations, communities, work situations, and even personal struggles that we advocate for change to keep evolving and becoming a better person, friend, neighbor, community, world, etc. Those that are afraid of change, I feel are often not really as afraid of the outcome of that change, but of the work or struggles that making the change will bring.

Yet, I faced a silly and seriously tiny change this week that sent me into an absolute tailspin. Perhaps my lack of sleep this week, the stress I have felt, the fact that I haven't felt well, or a combo of any of these played a part in my irrational fear.

This is what happened...if you've read previous post or any of the silly surveys I've ever filled out on here before...you know by now that bran flakes and skim milk are a staple in my daily routine. I ran out this week and was forced to alter my morning ritual a couple days before I was able to make the run to Wal-Mart for a new box. When I arrived, I walked to the cereal aisle, went about halfway down and reached to the top shelf where my beloved Bran Flakes have always sat. But wait...what was this? Some other form of wannabe bran...something with oats and raisons and other frivilous additions that I don't need.or want in my cereal. Straight bran...that's all I need. There were other people in the aisle, so I tried not to look frightened or freaked out. I slowly walked the length of the aisle a couple times perusing for the new home of my bran. I didn't see it. After about the 4th trip down the aisle I started to pace much more frantically and at warp speed (yep, it almost looked like the Phoebe run again). It finally registered...this damn monopoly of a store had once again banned one of my most treasured sources of happiness (the first was the 6 pack of Dole pineapple juice in the small individual cans). So, as the panic turned to confusion and then to rage...I could not even continue shopping, as I had totally forgotten everything else I needed. All I really was there for was my Bran Flakes! So, on my dazed walk back to the front of the store I passed the clearance and discontinued stock area...and there on the bottom shelf...you guessed it...sat my cereal. Without hestitating, or being concerned that I looked like a lunatic, or that people undoubtedly thought I was a maniac...I shoved all 7 boxes that were left into my little cart.

As I walked to my car after checking out, and feeling a huge sigh of relief that I now had plenty of bran flakes to last me awhile...the thought struck....What the hell am I gonna do when those 7 boxes are gone?! So I called my dad to ask him that exact question and tell him that was the final straw in my crappy week. He laughed hysterically and told me he didn't think I should worry about it, as 7 boxes should last awhile. Perhaps dad, but then what? WHAT WILL I DO THEN?! There are no other bran flakes that compare. They all are corn flakes or frosted flakes or have too many other things added in. I enjoyed the simplicity of my bowl of bran.

My next fear is this...and I have yet to bring myself to look it up and confirm it to be true or false...Has WM really just decided to quit selling it...or has Post actually quit making it?! I cannot fathom the idea or bear the heartbreak it will bring me.

Why, I ask...is this tiny little change in my life causing such a disruption? How much therapy do I REALLY need? What will WM ruin for me next? What will my friends and family make fun of me for, if not the bran? (Wait...stop...don't answer that!).

So I guess if you are out grocery shopping and come across the beautiful orange box of my spectacular Post Bran Flakes...feel free to buy a box and send it to me. Who knows when my 7 boxes will be gone...or what depressive or manic state in could send me into!!

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

At what age are you too old to pee your pants?!

So most of you that know me well, KNOW that I do not do scary movies. Never have...I'm just not good at them. I scream, I jump, and I have nightmares for weeks! You probably also know my 1 rule about watching a scary movie. If you somehow convince me to watch one with you, the rule is I get to not only sleep in your house for the next few nights (until I feel the Boogieman has moved on)...but in your room... in your bed...so that if the boogie man comes to get me, maybe he'll get you first!

I realize I'm 30 now, and should have outgrown this, but I'm a freak. I'm not afraid of the dark, most bugs, or even living by myself...but everyone else their weakness, right?! Some of my dear friends have doubted me and my simple little rule...until they made me watch a scary movie! I mean, I'm the dork that for an entire summer as a child, had a reoccuring nightmare that the Incredible Hulk was chasing me!

Anyway, last night, I went for a walk and stopped by my friend Joy's house on the way home, to pick up some new dog food for my pooches to try. Joy and some others were getting ready to watch a scary movie. I don't know what the hell I was thinking, but I decided to stay and join them. Of course, I screamed a couple times, hid behind a pillow, jumped, and had my heart racing through most of the movie. I don't even know the name of the movie, but it was scary! I am not just over-reacting here...it was really SCARY people!! So about halfway through the movie I realize...Holy shit! I WALKED over here! I'm gonna have to walk home...in the dark...with all the evil and scary creatures waiting to get me! (It's completely irrelevant that it's only about 4 blocks! It was DARK out there and the only thing I had to defend myself were the tiny fragments of karate class I could remember and my little ziploc bag of dog food!) So when the time came to leave, another friend offered me a ride...but I decided I didn't want to look like a big baby...so I said I thought I could make it. About halfway home, I wanted to call him and say, "I LIED! COME BACK AND GET ME!! THERE ARE TOO MANY SCARY NOISES AND SHADOWS OUT HERE! I THINK I'M GONNA DIE!!" I also wanted to run frantically, borrowing the Phoebe run all the way home...you know, to help ward of any stranger danger!

So I made it home hyperventilating just a touch, and then had to go through my house turning every light on to make sure there was no one lurking in the darkness...since I had left the front door unlocked. I let the dogs in, double checked the locks, double checked all the rooms, made my way downstairs to my bedroom, and made my dogs sleep next to me all night.

I'm happy to announce, I'm still alive this morning. There were no heinous crimes or strange mishaps overnight and the Boogieman went to someone elses house. Whew...I hope he stays there tonight too!

Please, don't ask me to watch a scary movie anytime soon. I think I've had my fill for another year or so!